simply classic

Oh my goodness, this conversation reminds me how it was like, when i went to China for a holiday.
Listen to it, a great laugh and simply classic.



Anyone up for a cock??!!

the 31st

Today, is an auspicious day. Why? Because it's a holiday. That means, we do not need to go to school, and more importantly, I do not need to do MUET articles today. So basically, it all boils down to this :-











I really miss the crazy times in my old school, where everyone will be shouting, karaoke-ing and singing along to the patriotic songs. Hey, they're nice ok? I personally like Jalur Gemilang and Tanggal 31.

Still remembered the lame version of Tanggal 31?! The hamsap wan i mean, i think it goes like,

Tanggal seluar dan baju,
Bulan depan tarik kereta cikgu,
Tak malu, tak malu
Koteknya Berbulu,
Ini pasti menjadi sejarah.

If you guys din't know what kotek means, it simply means a dick alright. Haha... Yeah just for laughs, no intentions to insult the song. If you're too sensitive to the joke, might as well forget what i said, and don't give a shit about it.

So anyway, we're all happy today. Yippie yeah yeah!!

omg?!

Saw this on quin's blog. Ok, you people are so fucking lucky. Believe it or not, I do not know what the hell is a tag, until my friend tells me, eh, i tagged you. u neva do ah? So ok, writings like this do not come aplently, and god must be crazy to give me the urge to write this out.

Anyway, its my first time and...ermm...here goes...

1) Four things not many know

-The first milk flow from women's breasts after giving birth is a yellow like liquid, which is VERY GOOD for the baby. (I've tried drinking it when my bro was born, HAHAHAHA...just kidding la, I am not dat sick to suck on my mum's titties)

-While many might be raving on how cool and delicious Korean BBQ's are, i hate eating korean food. Especially kimchi. To me, it's like fermanted shit rolls spiced up with hot sauce.

-I am STILL underage for driving classes; while alot of ppl ask me, you drive to school wan eh?
(Dun laugh ppl, XD)

-Newborn babies are not able to see clearly, not until 2 weeks later when they learn how to focus on subjects.

2) Four movies I could watch over and over.
- White Chicks.
-Sorority Boys.
-School of Rock.
-Austin Power, all the 3 series!!

3) Four places I have lived.
-SS2, opposite PJ songbird and the erm, proton showroom.
-SS7, near Kelana Seafood Centre.
Dats for the places i have lived. No more.

4)Four TV shows I love to watch.
- Fear Factor
- Amazing Guiness World Records
- Wimbledon Lawn Tennis (sadly, it happens only once a year)
-Hardo Gay, Jap comedian. (Haha, i don't care, it still counts as a TV programme)

5) Four places I have been on vacation.
- China (alot of times)
-Hong Kong
-Thailand
-Vietnam

6) 4 of my fav. food
-Sushi (Hamamaki, to be exact)
-Steak
-Fine Chinese Cuisine
-Pasta

7) Four places i would rather be.
- Ari Atoll, Maldives.
-Tioman Island, Malaysia
-Bangkok, Thailand.
-Kuta, Bali; Indonesia.

8) Four fav songs.
- Wannabe, Spice Girls. (Damn old, but what the heck)
-Traffic, Dj Tiesto.
-Woman in love, Barbara Streisand. (Call me a old weirdo, haha)
-A little less conversation, Elvis Presly ( So what, i like oldies)

9)Four people i tag.
- Mae
-Chia
- e-Fei
- all left handed ppl reading this

lauya english

*edited

If you thought malaysian english was terrible, wait till you see what china has to offer. Go on, look ahead !!!
















Homeless rubbish, uh..wat the?















Licking cars is the new fetish!!















Really no idea what's the meaning.















I think they meant, don't play inside this room.




















Sexcess? New verb? Whoa....




















Now, female organs in a coffee/tea serving? Man, they are good comedians!!!



















If you wanna choose brand names, u might wanna look up the dictionary first. What a name !!
















Do you actually dare to order anything?















From the picture, i think it is "mui choi kau yuk". So now, where does the "currency come from"?




















Sad to say, this is the menu closest to the correct thing. Seriously. At least we know what they mean.




















Wah, laser printer woh....eh..not laser la...loser printer !!!

spilling out everything

Its been quite some time, since i last briefed through what i did. As in going out events and all that shit. Most of my recent posts were more of the opinion and happy birthday wishes. So here goes, i'll start with what i can recall.

Chia's Belated Birthday cum Lunch Outing.

Genki sushi, you're dam lucky to have customers like me. I made 4 returning visits to their place in one month. Blardy hell, looks like i am addicted to them. But actually, haha, this is what i return for.















Ahhh Hamamaki. God bless hamamaki man. I love it!!
But cibai, one piece costs Rm 2. One plate, Rm 6. Fucking expensive la.















At first, she was shy to take pictures. After that.....
Btw, don't u all think she looks like some sort of criminal trying to evade the press photographers?















There she is. Chia chia.















The girls, and the....















Guys. God, my face looks so bright here.

On the way to the arcade to play, we saw.....















Baskin Robbin's Ice cream cakes. So people, u all know what cakes i like OK? Haha.....















Ooohhhhh. Orgasmic.

That's about it lah. Lazy to write more, cause there are more thing to write. Next, we have:-

Bowling Club Outing.

Let's just start with pictures.















The started cam-whoring without me. Bahh...















It's time to intro these ppl. Top row; (L-R) : Wei Loon, Wai Kidd, Sissy Fag Charles.
Bottom row: Lee Quin and Patrick.

After bowling, it was off to Laksa Shack to have a few bites.















Their shoppe.















Ahhh..I LOVE thier curry laksa. Looks great right?

After that, went home and chill...

****************************

This is a sad joke ken hui told me. Funny, but sad in an aspect. Haha, laugh on.

This joke is between Hello Kitty and Doraemon.

One day, doraemon saw hello kitty. Doraemon said Hi to hello kitty.
Unfortunately, Hello Kitty did not reply...... Why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans: That's becuase hello kitty HAS NO MOUTH.













See, no mouth right. So Hello Kitty was very sad. So, she went for plastic surgery, and added a mouth.

Naturally, after the plastic surgery:-















Tadahhh.....So, hello kitty was quite pleased with her mouth. So one day, returning the favour, Hello Kitty said Hello to Doraemon.















Now, why doraemon DIN'T REPLY HELLO KITTY?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans :- Because doraemon has no ears !!!


















Hahahahaa................

********************************

Since i had some coupons worth about Rm 60 for the Tropicana Charity Carnival, i decided to pay a visit to the carnival. Went with my family.















Those Harley-Davidson Bikes were for rent. One ride costed a few bugs i think.















Nice poolside view.

They had damn alot of foodstalls, selling all kinds of junk. I spotted one stall selling popiah, and without any hassle, i knew who was selling it already. Haha, sue mae's aunt and mum !!!















Uhuhuh, Popia. It was great, altho the skin was a little thick, but still great. Rm 5 for 2 pieces.















The lady on the left, with spectacles on is Mae's aunt. The one on the right is her maid.
Busy-nya, making popia.

Besides that, there were also many other foodstalls, such as....















Roti canai stalls.















Sweet, juicy and saucy penang fruit rojak. Fantastic.















Char Kuey Teow. Fucking unhealthy, but still great to savour.

And finally, every kid's dream....















Cotton candy. The machine is so super uber cool. U chuck in some powder stuff, and the candy comes out. I want that machine. I think if i have one at home, i will wrap myself in cotton candy everyday.

So much so for a crowded event,........















It was great !!! Two thumbs up for all the parties involved.

18, again.

Oh yeah, b4 i forget, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHIA. Hehe, you're a full grown women now, time to look for a date partner. HAHAHA

out of the random

When my Chemistry tutor was lecturing, he received a sms. Out of the blue moon, he spoke,

Eh class, i got this sms.

A woman was having labour pains. She prays to god;

"Dear god, please make it loose for the baby and tight for the daddy".

The whole class burst out laughing.

so....?

This is the very popular version of the I Love New York T Shirt, often brought back as souveniers. Almost every Tom, Dick and Harry has definately seen it before.















Yeap, nothing's wrong with the design. It looks alright, and definately regarded as a piece of "normal clothing".

Malaysian being malaysians, in no time, we came out with pirates versions of it, Say 2 pieces for 10 bugs, hanging all round in Petaling Street. With one purpose, so you can tell your frens that you brought it back from New York, while you have never been to New York, or worst, you do not even know where the hell New York is.

And of all the pirated designs, this one really takes the cake. Really !!










I think only ex dj-students will get the joke.

I saw my ex-schoolmate wearing it out, and my first reaction was WHAT THE FUCK WEIH??

It is so dam wannabe, copycat and definately a piece of garment seeking attention. C'mon la, come out with something more original, you people.

p/s: btw, the t shirt with the "shyt happens" on the frontage was a better work. at least, something that is DJ.

I want a humpaloc

It's here. The long awaited humping machine lookalike is finally in town. Surely, most of u all have seen this machine in the shopping complexes. Here we go with the original product. The Osim I-Hump a.k.a Osim I-Gallop.














Put anyone on it, and he/she will gain HUGE ATTENTION.

Some people find this machine really obscene, as it looks like an orgasm machine. Like what they use in japanese game shows to enhance a women's sexyness. For what you all know, this is where the idea was copied from.
















Realized that they always use women to bounce on this machine? Actually, in some ways, it really looks like a sey-toy to some. And often, these models often indulge so badly in the humping motion of this machine, to an extent that they look like they are having sex.

So basically, a change in definately needed in the promotion of I-Hump a.k.a I-Gallop. This time, using men to promote this machine. And what do you get?



Models taming the beast in the machine.That's me and my friend (Patrick) trying it out at OU.

Here's a clearer shot at what i was doing.



Shaking my booty up and down!!

Here's the full length video.



After the humps given by the machine, i felt great. Honestly, each bump was orgasmic. The only downside is they could have added vibration into it.

Oh besides, never try the machine out in tight jeans. Oh well, i tried it out wearing my boot cut jeans and erm, my testicles were kinda strangled when the machine gyrated up and down. Kinda like putting marbles into a sack, and using the rolling pin to roll it flat.

So anyway, welcome your NEW Osim I-Hump ambossadors.













Till then, out !

p/s: special thnx to patrick for editing the photos !

sweet birdie

When i was coming back from school today, I noticed a bird flying out from my house garden porch. From one of my garden plants, close to my house door.















From this tree, right outside my house frontage.

Being a curious faggot, i made my way closer to the tree, and saw this.















A damn bird's next weih. Syok man. Nice leh.

Curious to see what's inside. I took a peek.















Got eggs sumore man.

So anyway, i will be waiting for the day it hatches. Wanna see how the baby looks like. Will show u all more pics, if the egg hatches.

building the biggest

edited*

The world is so materialistic. All that people want is size. Size does matter. Day and night, engineers strive to build the biggest and the best. The bigger, the better.

Look at our skyscrapers, how huge and high are they now. One day, they will reach the clouds. No joke.




















The Taipei 101. Fantastically huge and high. Now, our Petronas Twin Towers is nothing compared to this.















Its BIG. Ain't it graceful? (Golden Gate Bridge)




















Angel Falls- Tallest and biggest in the world.

Inference from the pictures: Big=Popular. Huge Size= Fame.
I've gotta admit, the girls definately saw this coming, so much so they did this.
















VERY BIG. Biggest i have seen so far.

Damn, girls sure pick up fast!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just came back from watching this.




















A realistic movie, and it potrays real life situations couples are facing. A little humour, very minimal tho, overall, quite a serious and though provoking film.

Highlight to read SUPER SPOILER.
The couple did not get back together at the end. There was a twisty ending, and the movie ended with the 2 people walking away, leading seporate lives.

making a difference

Inspired by his friend, Tysern decides to do something never ever done in his life history. Writing poems.


Memories of You, by Tysern.

As she walked down the lane,
Her glittering smile was poised and stagnant,
As she blew a final kiss to me,
That was my slightest memory of her.

To date, a part of my heart belongs to her,
She locks the memories neatly,
Unforgiving, and unforgettable,
The day she left, she took my heart.

I could vividly recall the past times,
Yet the past will never repeat itself,
I could see that she took a part away from me,
A burning scar, I have been living with it ever since you left.

Looking for you is like going through a maze,
I have been into many unforeseen circumstances,
To get you back, it might take eternity,
But to win your heart again, it will last a lifetime.

You walked out on me,
You turned things up against me,
You were your usual self,
As they say it, love is what’s drawing me to you.

My tears trickled down silently,
My silent whispers are left unheard,
My heart breaks when I think of you,
To date, with your absence, it will go on forever.

let me teach you how to park

After what seemed like a funky maths lesson, with loads of feedback, tysern is presenting yet again another episode of his hard-shits-made-easy parking lessons.

Do you all experience pain and suffering when you all park at tight spots, or to those that don't drive a car with power steering, do u turn the steering so hard until ur shit comes out? Now, with this lessons, say bye bye to all you problems. Here, summarized in 3 easy steps, you can park you car fast and easily.

STEP ONE: Reverse you car 45 degress into the parking lot, until you car boot/rear is very close to the car behind.

STEP TWO: Whip your steering to the extreme right( if you want the car to slant right) or to the extreme left (if you want your car to slant left). Do not hit the gas when you are turning the steering.

STEP THREE: SLAM AS HARD AS POSSIBLE ON YOUR GAS PEDAL. Naturally, your car will curve in nicely, and stop slamming the gas once your car is inline with the parking box. There you have it, done and parked nicely.

Here's an e-learning video to help you peeps understand my steps.

Cool Parking - video powered by Metacafe

Easy ain't it? C'mon, go try it out.

let me teach you mathematics

Tysern's giving out free maths tuition. Guaranteed to make you score in your maths paper, by just reading this short article.

Have fun looking at my 4 tuition steps.

Step 1: Expanding quadratic quations.

Remember those days when we had to expand LONGGGG quadratic equations till we nearly cried and always got it wrong? Here's the trick !



Expanding equations, no matter how big the value is so blardy easy now.

Step 2: Theorem Pythgoras.

In a right angle triangle, remember that the hypothenus is the sum of the 2 sides in power 2? When we first started, it seemed confusing. But look at my formulae. 1 step kau tim.



Simple as ABC. Even the dogs, pigs or monkey can do it!

Step 3: Trigonometery Functions.

I know everyone hated the fucking topic. Me too actually. It was so difficult that i practically gave up on it ! But it is really that difficult? Hard meh? Look at the picture to find out.




Damnit, din't know Trigo Functions were SO blardy easy.

Step 4: Surds and Roots.

Have you people been frantically trying this way and that way to simplify surds and roots? Some even punca here, punca there until they use up one whole paper. If you though that was hard, think again !




DAM EASY WEIH.

That concludes Tysern's Maths lessons. Sure A wan, in your exam.

Maths is so ez now, u can do it blindfolded !!!