life is speeding

when i was back in standard 3, i thought that jumping to standard 5 was a wise choice indeed. yes, it was. i had great times, despite the fact that i was still very young. as a november child, and average student would have been at least one and a half years older than me. i looked back at my decision and told myself, thank god i did not hesitate to jump. But,

now as time flies by, i had actually no problem coping up with my stuffs. both in terms of studies and friendship. i met great friends, from all kinds of characters and they even treated me as i was a normal from 5 kid. those things were great. but now, down to reality, i am facing a problem. the problem is nothing with friendship or socializing, but the problem is with my further studies. suddenly, i had to make big choices in my life, like job chosing and college choice. i am actually not very prepared with this situation. why, because i still feel i am 15 years old, which i am actually....it's like my school life is actually over, so fast. man, this sucks..i actually have to make great choices in my life, while i still feel i am still so young. you see, i planned to apply for some MAS pilot training course after my SPM, but dear me, after my spm, i am only 16 years old. god damn it, shit...apply at 16, become a pilot at 17..if i can..and then..work till the rest of my life....holy cow..that will be hell boring, minus the fact that i may get a huge pay check by the time i am 40.

I still feel i belong to the school, and i have one more year to go. i believe that being young has great advantages, but not this young. i have to plan for my college life already, which i am still not prepared. I still feel that i am a student, and i am willing to study more. But part of me wants to face the real world, with tough challenges outside. So how now?

If i continue straight with full force with my studies, i will graduate at a young age..haih..yes, u heard it, very young. i know everyone wants to be young, but not this young. Mayb it is because i will miss school life, that's why i am having these shitty thoughts. Maybe i can't give up what i am enjoying right now, because i admit that i am having a blast of my life right now. though form 5 is supposed to be a stressed up year, but actually...i am enjoying every juice of it. Mayb it is becuz i have great friends, or maybe i am not willing to give this up, that's why i am reluctant to leave school to college. Man, i hope i can make my choice

Sometimes, i forget that i am actually 1 year younger. That, i feel is good. Because when i look on the form 4's i actually feel that i am one year older than them. I like being a form 5, as i get to enjoy countless activities that goes. As for a party life, i feel that i have done the right choice in jumping, Yes, when it all comes down to having fun, watching movies during the weekend, thank god i wasn;t in form 4. but sadly, that is just a feeling. I still can't runaway from the fact that i have to plan my life from now on...it's all in my hands.

Damn. sometimes i wished that i could be young and old whenever i liked it.