Monday, May 29, 2006

matured content.

This will be an 18 years and above post on my blog. One my first posts devoted to the topic of , well, sex, porn and masturbation. These 3 words are regarded as words full of heat and excitement. Many of you would think that i have gone nuts to write up something like this, but it was this guy that gave me the inspiration.

I was looking through low yat's forums for some advice on my digital and electronics stuff. And suddenly, out of the blue moon, this FUNKY forum topic caught my eyes. As much as curosity kills the cat, i clicked on that topic.

The topic read, "Do you consider me as a freak? "

Without any delay, i clicked on it and entered the forum. I was taken aback at what was written by him. He was VERY OPEN towards his retarded and poor, poor sex life.

Oh so, this person had a sexual related problem. Man, what the heck are low yat's forums turning into man? There was even once i saw one topic on how to feed cats? Wth man? Why are funky and weird topics popping up in these digital electronics website?

As you could see, this guy/man claimed he is already 19 years of age. He sadly, has never made his dick vomit or indulged in a blue movie. In the first place, i really salute his guts to admit his situation and ask help from the world wide web. He also asked whether if he was normal. So, being a helpful person that i am, i will give him my points of view.

Statement One : "I have never masturbated " (currently 19 yrs old)

Okay, it's not very alright if you do not masturbate. Not all guys do this, those guys who do this are just doing it out of a habit for self-pleasure. Masturbating too often is really not good, as it will become a habit and you will end up craving for this everytime you visit the toilet.

But not masturbating for 19 years will mean that all the semen collected thruout the years is stuck at the tip of the penis. This gooey white liquid can harden up, and will smell like a garbage truck when you pee. Fermented semen not let out will increase the chances of Prostate Cancer, and imagine what is you wife going to say during you first sex session? It would be horrible to your partner/wife if your first is a oral sex, imagine what is your partner going to swallow man. 19 years of rotten mayonaise?

To conclude it, do it moderately and at your own pace. To people who think they do not need to ejaculate often, ie: wet dreams all the time, it's alright, as long as the semen is let out!!!!!

Statement Two: "I have never watched porn movies"

Yes, it is alright. Some people might have HUGE urges, while some might not be interested. But you can never be TOTALLY NOT interested at all, because if you do encouter that, chances are you're gay or simply not human. p/s: only humans and dolphins have sex for pleasure.

Are you really sure you have never watched any? Even in school, your schoolmates have never talked about pornography? I mean, if it is true, you are really fresh and virgin my fren. Good for you, as you have really proved your honesty, but if you do not want to watch any of those, just take interest on your sex life. You need to know more about your sexual capabilities to reproduce, if you were to just leave things progressing at zero, you will have A LOT to learn when you get married next time.

To interest now, for it will be better later. Porn movies will only teach you some skills to give the best to your lover in the future; apart from a little pleasure. Nothing else.

Statement Three: "So, am I normal ?"

To answer his question, here goes. At 19, although it might be a little late, you can still be considered normal if you're baby to the sex world. But NEVER in your 20's and 30's can you still act like that. There is still time my fren, learn more in this 1 year before you hit twenty. You do not want to end up as an old man, virgin, never masturbated and never tasted porn. 19 is still alright, but watch out. These is always a time for that, most preferbably when you are working and going out with a steady girlfrend.

That's all i can help. To my readers, what do you think? Is this guy alright?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

all's well back in school

As you all know, school is finally back, and the days where i have to wake up at 6.30 AM everyday is currently going on. Anyway, this 2 weeks is simply just orentation week, no studying yet and of course, there're loads of fun. Had team-building games, chats with the upper sixes and a small buffet.

Anyway, considering it was Nick Loh's birthday, and my newly met gang wanted to go for a bak kut teh session, we went on one. We walked from Taman Sea to the SS2 Teochew Bak Kut Teh under the swealtering sun which nearly costed us our lives. We were delighted when we reached there, and finally sat down to order what would be a very satisfying meal.

Lazy to type, i will show you all some pictures leh. Have fun viewing them. Plz do not view then with an empty stomach and especially if you're a huge fan of bak kut teh. I won't be responsible for any urges or desires to lick your own computer screen after viewing them.

The gang in front of the school hall. Notice the water pouring down yeah, he was soaking wet right after this photo was taken. Looks like they still love to wet ppl on their birthdays.

Nick's all wet. The culprit (Raymus) happily pouring water down him.

"Hahahah, take that you sucka" !!!!, he shouts out happily.

L-R : Xiang, Huey Lin, Ty, Ai Khim and errr..i forgot her name man. I think it's Khimmy? Kim Ming?

All of us, making our way to SS2.

The starters came first. The usual yao char kuey and tao foo pok. A little soup to complement it.

The main course and yes, the main attraction.

Everything's laid on the table. The girls were preparing iced tea.

All of us. God bless auto-timer man.

Just a few random shots.

Another result of the auto-timer. Not perfectly aligned, but still alright.

That's what's left of the chocolate cheese cake.

They camwhored from the school to the restaurant to the toilet and lastly to the car. Hahahaha.

That's roughly about it people. Life is brilliant during the holidays now. Can go out non stop. Everyday is like a holiday, be it a monday or tuesday. For now, tata.

Friday, May 19, 2006

what's in a name?

Since my 17 years of life, my name has been a challenge both to spell and pronounce. For 17 years, i came across wonderful spellings trying to form my name. Some of my friends still have problem spelling my name.

Among the better and more funnier spellings were Ti Sern, Ty Sern, Tyson, Thai Sen, Tysen, Tisen, and Tai Sern. Hey, i am not kidding man. This happens almost everytime someone tries to spell my name by it's sound. Oh well, i even had Thai Zhan before alright. Written on an invitation card, for me, it read, Mr Thai Zhan. I was like, wtf, how far could they get from Tysern man?

But for all, this spelling really takes the cake. It really does, one of the most unique and cannot be explaing spelling i have ever came across. This is the cherry on top of a wonderful year.

TYNN SERN. to pronounce? Where did the 2 extra N's pop out from? A better variation to my name? Issit really that hard to make out Tysern? Is it?

For now, i am still registered under Yap Tysern. Mayb i will leave Tynn Sern for my sons!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

back, and finally writing (part 3) .

Update: Mission Impossible 3 was really a great movie. Although the storyline was not really moving fast at the start, once the action came into kick, everything was up in full swing. A good twist at the ending, kinda expected for movies like that, but the ending was predictable. Stunt were unique, ie. never seen before, not those of copy work, and acting suited the character. Excitement level was sustained through the show, and interest level never dropped. Worth paying the Rm 6 students rate.

Overall rating : Good storyline, great and clean stunts, level of excitment highly sustained.
Overall score : 8.5/10

Enought of giving a short movie review, it's time to launch off from where i last stopped about a week ago. Too refresh your memory, here's abit of recap.

As written on my last post, Berjaya Tioman had a Bar and a Disco. The nightlife tunes up at night, with a liveband singing, and a dancefloor spinning.

The beachbar at night.

This beachbar, i think it's called Sri Lalang Beachbar operates at night with a liveband singing. Kinda those chinese gurl liveband, where their vocals are just over the edge, and just made it for entertainment purposes. Most people just enjoyed the music while sipping of cocktails to cool down and relax after a dinner meal.

This bar was well equipped with all you can find and all you can think of funky cocktail names. Spending 2 days here, i tried a number of cocktails, and of course, as always, the flaming lamborgini, which of course, is one of the top knock out cocktails offered. One round of that will leave a burning flame in your guts, which they say is the reason for drinking this.

Just a brief run through of the cocktails we tried.

With all the bottle hanging upside down, making was simply easy. Simple press in the lever on the bottom, and the liquid shoots out. This was only one side of the bar.

JD (jack daniels) on the rocks.

Irish white coffee (Baileys) on the rocks too.

Sour whisky. First cocktail entry.

Shirley Temple.

Graveyard. Notice the crossed straws. The finisher to all finishers. I had really enough after this.

Last but not least, Singapore Sling. One of the more relaxing cocktails.

This is how they made Chung Kent's flaming lambogini. Intended to be taken in one shot, i had to help him down it as it was too strong for him. He kinda hated the taste. As you can see, u're supposed to insert the straw to the base, instead of holding it on the surface, which is what he did. Results? A burned straw!

This is what i had to down for him, in one shot. It was re-lighted and the best part of the drink was sucking in the flames! Shioook.

Taking photos when we were still sober.

As always, there a weirdo to tune up things in the beachside disco. This man, most probably drunk, went up dancing with his FUCKING PYJAMAS. And he did the lame kinda Mr Bean dance, simply swaying his hands in thin air. Everyone was giving an O-M-G stare at him, while he was dancing crazily away in front of the live band.

There you go. Happy watching the pyjamas man.

At Salang, there was this open air bar also serving drinks. But oh my god, their cocktails have sophisticated names. Unheard ones too. Like this:-

Pay attention to number 3 , 4 and 12. This is what might happen if you order it.

You : Hi, please give me an after sex, dry.

Waiter: What after sex huh?

You: I want an after sex now. I want it now.

Waiter: You think i'm a prositute ah. Wtf?

You: ............

God knows where the name adiosmotherfucker (AMF) came from, so as for between the sheets.

That rather concludes the tax free experience on booze, so now it's on to the food items. Not much pictures, as i did not take alot of pics on food. Just a glance through, seafood there was mediocre, has i think the freshness of the seafood is kinda wasted when you barbeque to whole fish. Nonetheless, here goes.

Pick and choose one, and the they will grill it for you. Served with either a choice of rice grilled potato or french fries.

Grilled squid.

Fire roasted chicken. The other layer was sweet and juice, but the breast meat inside was as usual, a little dry.

Finally, this is the LAST TOPIC on my trip. Finally, it;s ending. It's been quite an effort to write out and preseve the memories on a trip.

6. People and places :- Time for some group photos.

Taken at the jetty. Top row: Tysern, Chung Kent and Kee Peng.
Bottom row : May Yi and Coco.

The guys. From left : Tysern, Kee Peng, Chung Kent, and dear me, i forgot the names of those 2 buddies. Damnit, i'm really getting old.

Different pose, same people.

All seven of us, on the last night, by the jetty.

Waiting for the ferry, all black from sunburn. Look at me, i'm like a chindian.

Eating by the beachside, Kee P and C Kent.

Me and Chung Kent.

Me and Kee Peng.

That sums up my whole Tioman Trip. It has come to the end of this post, and if you have any question on my trip, ie what to do there, pricing and lodging, food or practically anything under the sun about tioman, feel free to ask me, and i will answer it. I won;t mind going there for a 2nd time, and if you all have any intentions to go there for a holiday, do let me know, for there might be a chance i can get discounts if i book it for you all.

I have some photos which i think are really funny, but it might be a little 18sx-rated. Obsecene to some, funky to others. Tell me if u wanna view all those photos, i can post up a few of those crazy shots taken in tioman.

That's really everything. A perfect getaway, but please bring loads of sunblock, as the sun there is really hot and unforgiving. I had bad cases of sunburns, but thank god it is healing right now. Typical me, a picture to end my wonderful trip,

That's me on the right, holding a lifejacket, staring into the dream filled sunset sky. For when night comes, the waves retract, revealing an aura filled with corals , dry sand and wonderful memoirs.

Me, out and finished.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

all hell has broken lose

Yes, the day has arrived. My orentation for Form 6, is a miserable ONE FUCKING WEEK. And if you though LEE MEI LENG was bad, wait till you see what the Taman Sea teachers have to offer. Each of the teachers gives us a speech on ONE SUBJECT for ONE HOUR. 5 subjects = 5 hours. My ass hurts like hell.

To start of my registration, which was rather shitty, i will give you all a brief intro of to what i was treated like. As you see, ALL DJ Students are not aware that we have to register in school uniform. Yeah, you heard me right, even to register, you have to dress according to the dress code. So, as we did not know, the teacher asked us why we did not put on our uniform. We gave the most reasonable explanation thas is, we were NOT EVEN INFORMED ABOUT IT AT ALL. You know what she did, she showed us the exit. She asked us to leave the school. What a bitch. BITCH BITCH BITCH.

What to do, i had to get my fucking uniform that same day, and visit her the next day to get myself registered. Haih. Really shitty. One day wasted. What's more shitty is that we have to follow school rules like the banning of mineral bottles. Why, that's simply because tmn sea students luv to stuff those bottles into toilet bowls. Just because of a few rotten apples in the basket, everyone has to suffer. Fuck man.

This is the HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY. We have to sit for DIAGNOSTIC TESTS, to gauge our level of smartness. In other words, they are not trusting our SPM results. Our diagnostic tests will be this week, and fookiemau, they will test us on bio, chem, physics and add maths. That means i have to study back my SPM rubbish to answer the god knows how fucking hard subjective questions. Say hi to dy/dx, e=mc^2, fungsi trigo, mol, molar, JMR and jajang once again. Toot!!!!!!!!!

If u think that was horrible, the subjects in form 6 is FUCKING HORRIBLE. The teacher actually kinda discouraged us from taking bio, as she said that if you had problems with bio during form 5, you might as well forget form 6's bio. She said that is is SO HARD UNTIL you will be begging to drop that subject if you do not have the brains. As for the sciences, we could ONLY choose between physics and chem OR bio and chem. No more taking all three, as it will kill you. We have to pair this 2 subjects with Maths T, or Further Maths. Further Maths was too difficult until the school gave up teaching on this. Maths T's exam is 6, SIXXXX FUCKING HOURS, 3 hours for paper one and 3 hours for paper 2. Add Maths is nuthing compared to Maths T or Further Maths.

As some of you might know, i am transfering to Sultan Abdul Samad, as there are more science subjects offered there. They have Further Mathematics, and of course, they are reputable to have better teachers. If i am not wrong, they do allow students to go for all 3 sciences. Oh yeah, i have to go for my MUET (Malaysian University English Test) this week, and subsequestly for other follow up tests. Stressful gila man. When i am in Samad , i will either opt for, 4 subjects or maximum 5 subjects.

My choices for 4 subjects:-
Choice A: Bio, Chem, Maths T and Pengajian Am (it's sth like LAN) .
Choice B : Physics, Chem, Maths T and Pengajian Am.

My choice for 5 subjects (Urghhh)
Choice A: Bio, Chem , Physics, Maths T and Pengajian Am.
Choice B : Chem, Physics, Maths T, Further Maths and Pengajian Am. (double maths subjects that is)

Anyone who'se in GCE A Level's, can you please enlighten me on the subjects offered. Just wanna know whether there's MUET, and whether can you take 4 OR 5 subjects, Plz drop ur comment in the comment box. Thanks ya!

It just the start of a ride, on the express way to hell.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

time out

Sorry for the lack of updates. Stuck in Ipoh now, coming back tomoro. Blogging from a cybercafe now, which is, er...ain't too good. Their keyboard is disgusting man, never wash wan. After every session, i crave to wash my hands.

So anyway, lets talk about my form 6. Looks like the fun and joy i am going through right now is coming to an end. YES, it's ending. In june, tysern will have to study everyday, have to think like shit and do loads of homework. Not forgetting that i will still have to wear urgh....Uniform, and play by the school rules.

I hope they treat us as 18 year old adults in school yeah. I do not want teachers who bug us like 12 year old kids, and ermm check our bags and books to see that we have brought all the necessary stuff. I wish for a more independant kind of treatment, more like a lecture style class. Imagine the horror if our add maths teacher is one like Cheng Tooi Tian (BBC), and always spying the shit out of our work.

I an not sure whether form 6 kids are allowed to bring handphones to the school. Not to play of course, but to keep touch with the world. Robbing a student off their handphone is like taking off the crutches from a disabled person.

As for work, hehe, i have a motto for form 6 la. I know last minute study STILL works during form 5, but hell, it was really bad. All the times before SPM was pure hell for last minute students, and i do not want to go thru it again during form 6. Cmon man, u can do it. Study consistenly and do not panic when exam arrives.

Oh well, that actually sums up to what am i expecting from form 6. IF i make it thru successfully, i hope to get into any top universities in the world, and then getting through working life. And when we start working...............

..................we have another set of stress to deal with. That's life lah.

Friday, May 12, 2006

back, and finally writing (part 2) .

Yes, i promised you all to continue the story. So, here I am, picking up from the ending of the last post. Oh well, i just finished blogging about the journey and the resorts, so, what are we waiting for? It's time to blog about the activities there.

First and foremost, food in Tioman ain't really that good. I only manager to find one good chinese store cooking up fantastic cheese crabs and fish, and only one malay store serving really yummy and delicious honey marinated ikan bakar. That's throughout my WHOLE JOURNEY kay? The rest of the restaurant really SUCKED big time, as in taste was rather bland and food wasn't really that delicious. Don't be suprised, the hotel food sucked the worst, yet it was the MOST EXPENSIVE.

4. Snorkelling and islang hopping :- the reason for visiting Tioman.

Snorkelling was great. We chartered a boat, (RM 60 each) to go island hopping. Island hopping really rocked, as you can really discover the wonders of the South China Sea. Not only Pulau Tioman was great, other surrounding island were just as good, or even better. To start you all off, i will show you all a map of tioman, before pointing out to where are my snorkelling destinations are.

This is an overall map of Tioman. My resort, (Berjaya Tioman) is located at Tekek. Those red and blue dots are my snorkelling and island hopping trail, which will be explained in the next paragraph.

Okay, I left my resort at about 10.00 AM to adventure on my snorkelling trip. Now, following the RED DOTS, my boat passed Lalang/Paya and made it's way to Tulai Island. Noticed the 2 blue dots before approaching Tulai Island? Okay, this is the spot I snorkelled for the first time. It was also the DEEPEST snorkelling spot. Roughly 25 metres to the ocean bed, the water was crystal clear, and i could actually spot some scuba divers down in the ocean. We all straped on our body tightly to the lifejackets, for if you get cramps at this point, drowning is no suprise.
Fishes were abundant, and we were actually kinda freaked out when a bunch of fishes swam close to us. It really gives you the ticklish feeling on your skin.

Next, we made our way to Tulai Island's beach. The beach here was SUPERB. The best on my trip, and the best I had ever seen. Time for some pictures !!!

B4 the boat reached the island, we were already gasping with OOOOHHHHssss and AAAHHHHssss by the fantastic, clear blue water.

An even stunning shot.

The beach. Picture says it all.

Me and kee peng with our snorkelling gear. Using our snorkelling gear, it's off to snorkel !!

With everything in place, it's time to jump in.

While snorkelling, funny things do crop up. While combing the seabeds, poof, this damn old seacucumber got into our way.

Poking it with a stick.

Sharing plans on for to BBQ this thing. Or worst, eat it raw?

Of course, a trip is never complete without burying someone in the sand. This time, it will be tadah.....

He wanted to be a mermaid. With those boobies, even the merman can't resist them!!

"I'm so sexy, come fuck me" pose? Urghhh

Quick, seduce the shit out of her boobies when she's asleep !

Shall we say the thing circled in red is the mermaid's bush? It's up to you to decide!

Okay, enough of mermaids, hornyness and fantasy, it's time for some picture posing. A must, i say, in every holiday.

Me and my friend, Coco. She's from China, and she's currently studying at KBU. Also working in Champs partime.

Haih, this 2 people need no introducing lah. It's that same old damn people you knew since highschool.

Me and May Yi, also studying alongside with Coco in KBU.

And finally, myself. This time, with shades. A little bit more cover up.

After having loads of fun at Tulai Island's beach, it was time to go over to Salang to have our lunch. Lunch was simple, with me having a toast bread with egg and beef. There was this abonded resort (also by berjaya) at Salang, which UNFORTUNATELY did not get the CF (certificate of fit) to operate as it was built at a really sloping hillrange. It looked really nice from the outside tho.

The resort. Sadly, it's abondoned. Boohoo.

Beach at Salang.

After having lunch at Salang, it was time to leave for one more snorkelling trip at Monkey Bay, before going to the marine park. Snorkelling at Monkey Bay was the best ever snorkelling area, because it was rather shallow and of course, we were close to the corals.

Next stop, the marine park. Here, for RM 2, you can get bread to feed the fishes. One advice, NEVER feed the fishes while you're in the water. Make sure you are at least a good distance away from the fishes while you throw the food. Don't freak out when at least a thousand fishes dash to you when you're holding the food in the water. You don't want them to end up nibbling on your body man.

After spending time at the marine park, it was time to leave for tekek, back at where we started. When we arrived at the hotel, it was time for a nap and yeah, to dinner. Woohoo, on to the next topic, which is .......................

5. Wine and dine :- the unforgettable tax free experience.

Booze was dirt cheap back in Tioman. Thanks the the goverment's tax free rule on EVERYTHING on this island, beer turned out to be more economical compared to a bottle of water. Take for example, One can of Tiger, RM 2.50 VS One bottle of mineral water RM 2.80. That's how cheap booze is.

I am not saying anything bad about the tax, but i feel the goverment is REALLY RIGHT to impose huge taxes on the townfolk. God help the nation if there is no tax on Booze and Cigarettes, for everyone will be consuming it like nobody's business. There's when zaman jahiliah will re-live it's moment in the Klang Valley.

Okay, enuf of that, on to my main topic.

At RM 2.50 per can, where to find man?

As written on my last post, Berjaya Tioman had a Bar and a Disco. The nightlife tunes up at night, with a liveband singing, and a dancefloor spinning.

The beachbar at night.

***to be continued in part three ***

p/s:- it's already 4.37 AM, and i have to go down to Ipoh tomorrow for a wedding dinner.
sorry for the sudden hang in the storyline.

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